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Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Funny Divorce Quotes

Funny Divorce Quotes Definition

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Divorce sucks. Let me tell you, after five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out.”
- Rich Vos
“Workaholicism is such a tough addiction to get over. I had to divorce my wife because she was an enabler.”
- Dave Mordal
“What happened? Satan was busy?” - Sam Kinison on finding out his wife had hired lawyer Marvin Mitchelson to represent her in her divorce case against him.
“I can’t take his genius any more.”
- Rita Hayworth on why she divorced Orson Welles
“You know why divorces are so expensive? Because they’re worth it.”
- Willie Nelson
“I’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he’d be dead in a year.”
- Bette Davis
“She cried - and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.”
- Tommy Manville
“I can’t get divorced because I’m a Catholic. Catholics don’t get divorced. They stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended.”
- Lenny Clarke
“I look a divorce this way: it’s better to have loved and lost, then to live with that bitch for the rest of my life.” - Steve McGrew
“Marriage isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Let me tell you, honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.”
- Larry Gelbart
“Ah yes, divorce…from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”
- Robin Williams
“The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.”
- Johnny Carson
“The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.”
- Woody Allen
“To get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy mansion for a while.”
- James Caan
Each generation wants new symbols, new people, new names. They want to divorce themselves from their predecessors.
Jim Morrison
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then a classic case of divorce really affected me.
Kurt Cobain
He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
The details surrounding both my marriage and subsequent filing for divorce are private, and I had hoped to keep them that way for the sake of my family.
Eminem
Friendship is the marriage of the soul, and this marriage is liable to divorce.
Voltaire
Divorce is probably of nearly the same date as marriage. I believe, however, that marriage is some weeks the more ancient.
Voltaire
In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.
Robert Anderson
When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they 'don't understand' one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
Helen Rowland
Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
Ambrose Bierce
A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you.
Margaret Atwood